Melt My Heart Read online

  I laugh along with them, but the whole time there’s a boulder the size of Texas sitting in my stomach. It hit me recently. This is our last year together. In less than eight months, Eva is leaving for California, even if she doesn’t get into college there. She’s dead-set on becoming a musician. According to her, she doesn’t need an education for that.

  How will I ever survive with just Cole? With no buffer, I won’t be able to hide my feelings for him for long.

  That fear is what’s making me reconsider going on the trip. Sure, it’s not my thing to begin with, but now without Eva, I’m going to be stuck alone with Cole. Well, when he’s not surrounded by the swarm of fans that flock to him every day. It’s such a strange position to be in because when we are little, I was way closer to Cole than Eva. Now though, I get tongue-tied and flustered whenever he’s near. Half the time, I’m not even sure how to act.

  Every day I wish we could go backward and freeze time when I had a level head and no confusing feelings. Why is it we don’t have control over our own heart? They say the heart wants what it wants, and for the past couple of years, mine has been screaming Cole’s name no matter how much I try to ignore it.

  If it would just shut up, life would be so much easier.

  Cole whips out of the parking lot, kicking up snow, and turns right to hop on the freeway. When he cranks up the music to ear-bleeding level, I reach into my pocket and pull out my cell, sending the ‘rents a quick message telling them where I am.

  They won’t reply until they get off work, but at least I can say I followed their stupid rule. I even get to text them again when I get to the mall and again when I leave—yay for being the only child.

  Love suffocation is a real thing.

  Fifteen minutes later, Cole pulls into the mall parking lot. It’s packed with cars, thanks to Christmas being around the corner. We end up having to park way in the back. If it snows while we’re in there, it’s going to suck because all I have on are white canvas shoes.

  “Where to first?” Cole asks as we dodge a car pulling out of a space.

  “Don’t care,” I say at the same time Eva says, “Ice cream.”

  Cole huffs a laugh, throwing an arm over each of our shoulders. “Game store it is.”

  Heat blasts us in the face the second the doors slide open. I’m kinda glad I only wore a sweatshirt today, or I’d be roasting. Being this close to Cole doesn’t help things either.

  Eva echoes my thoughts when she groans and slips out of her black puffer jacket. “I’m really gonna need ice cream now.”

  “You know where it’s at,” Cole says as he steers me toward the escalator.

  My heart leaps into my throat, and I send a panicked look over my shoulder where Eva is busy contemplating ditching us, judging from the expression on her face. “Give him five minutes in the store, then we’ll get your fix,” I call to her as we keep walking.

  This seems to appease her because she hops onto the elevator, riding it up to the second floor with us. Cole will most definitely be in here for more than five minutes, but we can always ditch him like we usually do.

  “Why you play any of this junk is beyond me,” Eva says as we step inside the crowded store.

  Each wall is lined with a ton of games, and in the middle are gaming stations. A lot of our classmates hang out here on the weekends when there’s nothing else to do because the owner doesn’t care if we loiter. I guess he feels a full store is better than an empty one even if no one plans on buying anything.

  “Help me pick out something for my little brother.” Cole nods toward the back wall where they keep the used items.

  I’m not much of a fan of video games, but I kick back with the younger Reed brother once in a while. Ever since their mother left, it seems as if he clings to any kind of older female attention. And with Cole’s exact puppy-dog eyes set in a much younger face, there is no way I can ever say no.

  “What about that one?” I point to a colorful cover that features race cars.

  Cole twists his mouth to the side as he thinks. “You’d be willing to play it?”

  I shrug, shifting the arm he still hasn’t removed from my shoulder. “Sure. I don’t have to be good at it. I enjoy watching him win.”

  Cole’s lips tip up as he leans forward to grab the case. “That’s what I love about you.” He flips it over to read the back. “If I’m not careful, he’s going to steal you away from me.”

  “Who says he hasn’t already?” I duck out from under his arm, pretending to peruse the other games. I hate it when he talks as if I’m his to be stolen. Sure, we’re friends, but me branching out—heck, me dating—takes nothing from him.

  “All right. Five minutes are up,” Eva huffs as she leans against a shelf full of action figures with giant heads. “Can we go now?”

  Cole nods. “Let me just buy this.”

  When he’s out of earshot, Eva turns to me. “You guys okay?”

  “Hmm?” I reach for another case, flipping it over as if I’m reading it.

  “I don’t know. Just seems like you’re kinda tense when he’s around. Did you get into a fight or something?” She gasps. “Did he steal your Kindle again?”

  That gets a laugh out of me because I didn’t talk to him for a long three days after he stole my Kindle and filled it up with stupid games and comic books. “No. We’re fine.”

  She doesn’t look convinced, but when Cole returns with his plastic bag and receipt, she drops the topic.

  Her words leave a lasting impression, though. If she’s starting to notice that something is off, it means Cole won’t be far behind. I need to step up my game until I figure out a long-term solution. No way in hell I ever want either of them finding out the truth.

  “Ice cream?” I ask before heading for the exit.

  Yeah, this trip is going to be a nightmare for so many reasons.

  Wednesday night. Three more sleeps until I’m dragged to the mountains and I’m sprawled facedown on my bed, struggling to summon enough willpower to go downstairs and scavenge for dinner.

  My parents decided tonight is the perfect time for a date even though they’ll have the house to themselves in three days. They didn’t leave money for food either. Just told me to find something in the pantry.

  Cooking is one of the worst tasks in existence. Not to mention a hazard to my health. Klutziness must run in our family somewhere because I’m liable to cut or burn something every time I try to cook. Mom knows how much I loathe it too. That’s why she smirked as she walked out the door.

  Okay. So I’m being melodramatic, but today sucked on all levels. We had back-to-back midterms. By the end of the day, my head was ready to burst. On top of that, I slipped on a nice patch of ice on my way out the door, giving the crowded lot and Cole a good laugh at my expense.

  If that’s what is in store for me at the lodge, it’s going to be a hard pass.

  My phone buzzes by my ear, forcing me to climb out of my wallowing hole. With squinty eyes, I peek at the screen and see Cole’s goofy face.

  “Yes?” I answer, dragging out the word to comical length.

  “Have you finished your calculus homework yet?”

  I roll over on my back and stare up at the stark white ceiling. “Obvi.”

  “Do you think you can come over and help me?” There’s a thick layer of strain in his voice, making it clear that midterms are weighing on him.

  I chew on my lip and consider the pros and cons of climbing off my comfy bed. We could always do homework via FaceTime. We’ve done it before.

  “I’ll feed you. Pizza,” he says when I don’t answer right away.

  That settles it.

  I sit up, blowing a few loose strands of hair out of my eyes. “Be there in fifteen. Eva’s on the way, so I can grab her.”

  “Oh…Yeah. Cool. I’ll make sure to put extra onions on the pizza.”

  The past few days, he doesn’t sound too thrilled with having Eva around. I’ll ask her about it later. Maybe she wasn�
�t reading into my actions at the mall but projecting her issues.

  “And peppers,” I say before hanging up and sending a quick text to my mom telling her I’m borrowing her car.

  After I slip on my gray Vans, I dial Eva. “Hey.”

  “Hey, chica.” Her voice sounds muffled, and a few seconds later, music blares in the background.

  “Study sesh at Cole’s. On my way to get you.”

  “Can’t.” she whisper-yells over the music. “On lockdown. My mom found out I’m on academic warning. So, yeah. No fun for me ever until my grades are up.”

  “Oh.” I pause in the middle of tying my shoes. “You can’t come even if we’re studying?”

  “Nope.” There’s a shuffling noise as Eva shouts something. The music cuts off, and she sighs. “I gotta go. Apparently, music and talking on the phone also count as fun. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  When the line goes dead, I sit there staring at the black screen. Ever since this past summer, when my feelings for Cole became impossible to ignore—I blame it on seeing him topless at the lake—I’ve done everything in my power never to be alone with him.

  But we’ll be alone tonight because Mr. Reed works odd schedules and isn’t home until late.

  Fantastic.

  I clutch my phone and debate canceling, but I don’t want him to fail or to start questioning my weird actions. Never once have I balked at an opportunity to help either of them study. So, I suck it up and grab my book bag as I head out into the waning afternoon light. The sky is streaked pink above the tall mountains and, for once, it’s not cloudy. Yet somehow, it feels so much colder than this morning when the sky was gray.

  The whole drive over—where I coast under the speed limit to drag out time—I try to calm my nerves. It’s ridiculous. We’ve been friends forever. These days, though, no matter how hard I try, I can’t control my actions. Or my mouth. I can’t be normal—every touch brands itself on my skin. Every smile sets off those persistent butterflies in my gut, reserved only for him.

  Thank goodness Cole is oblivious. Sooner or later, though, he’s going to catch on. I don’t know how to be normal anymore.

  When I pull up next to the Reeds’ mailbox, the last bit of light is fading behind the mountains. As expected, Mr. Reed’s work truck is nowhere to be found. From the front window, I can see Cole’s little brother, Wyatt, bouncing around the living room with a red cape whipping behind him.

  So, at least there’s that. He never leaves me alone when I’m over there. Though that’s a mixed bag. I don’t know how much studying we’ll get done with him wanting to be in the middle of everything.

  Ugh. Here goes nothing.

  I sling my book bag over my shoulder as I step out of the car, being careful not to step on any ice because I don’t need a repeat of this afternoon.

  Before I even knock, the door swings open. Cole greets me with a heart-stopping smile. He’s wearing a pair of gray joggers and a tight Under Armour shirt that clings to his expansive chest. His dark curls are wild and untamed and a bit too long now, hanging on his forehead.

  Pretty sure I drool, and I definitely forget how to speak.

  Why does he have to be so good-looking?

  “Where’s Eva?” he asks, stepping to the side so I can get off the snow-covered porch.

  “Grounded. Her mom found out about the academic warning.” I slip out of my coat then hang it on one of the wooden hooks lining the wall. “So, more pizza for us.”

  See. I can do normal.

  I can.

  Cole reaches over and unravels the crochet scarf my grandmother made for me when I was twelve. When his fingers brush the hollow of my throat, my heart rate speeds up, thrumming so loud I’m almost certain he can hear it even over whatever movie Wyatt is blaring.

  Nope. Can’t do normal.

  “Where’s the little monster?” I ask loud enough to alert Wyatt I’m here and take a step backward to put some space between our bodies.

  The next thing I know, Wyatt’s tiny body is jumping up on me, trying to climb me and also show me the new toy he got. At six he’s not very big and could pass for a four-year-old. Total opposite of his brother. By the beginning of first grade, he towered over most of our classmates. He stayed that way too, until the summer before eighth grade when I overtook him in height for about a year.

  “Sammy! Sammy! Come watch Muppets.” His small hand wraps around three of my fingers, tugging me toward the living room.

  Out of the corner of my eye, I catch the clench in Cole’s jaw, which is weird because he has a soft spot for his brother. Anything he wants, Cole is more than happy to oblige. So why is he bothered all of a sudden?

  “Sammy is going to help me study, little man.” Cole reaches out to ruffle Wyatt’s wavy hair, but is denied when Wyatt slips behind my leg.

  Duh. He’s in midterm cram mode. Much like I should be. That’s why he’s annoyed. Heck, if I had a younger sibling, I’m sure I would wall myself in my room so I could study in peace.

  “But—” His cherub face falls, taking my heart with it.

  “We can do both,” I offer. Okay, it might not be one-hundred percent for Wyatt’s benefit. It’s at least seventy-percent selfish, but I’m cool with that.

  “Yay!” Wyatt yells as he once again pulls me toward the TV.

  I try to send Cole my best I’m sorry look, but I don’t think he’s buying it. Never once have I offered to study with Eva and him while The Muppet Christmas Carol blares in the background. Most of the time, I hide our electronics and insist on complete silence.

  If he ends up questioning me, I’m not sure what I’ll even say.

  We set up in front of the massive sectional couch his dad insisted on buying earlier this year. It’s brown and made of the softest material ever created. Almost as if you’re lounging on a cloud. We’ve had some awesome movie marathons here because the dang thing is large enough to fit all of us plus a few more.

  I settle on the end, propping an elbow on the arm as Cole sits down next to me. Right next to me. So close in fact his knee brushes mine as he reaches forward to grab a book from the coffee table.

  Now I think I should have picked somewhere in the middle so I had room to scoot away. This is going to be sensory overload. I’m acutely aware of how our arms touch every time Cole shifts and that my red-as-a-tomato face has got to be giving me away. I mean, for crying out loud, I can see my heart thundering in my vision. Nothing about me resembles calm and relaxed right now.

  “Did you see that, Sammy?” Wyatt asks from his spot on the floor.

  “Sure did, buddy. Muppets are silly.”

  Cole sighs and leans in close enough for me to feel the heat of his breath on my ear. It’s intoxicating and heavenly and needs to stop this instant before I do something stupid.

  So stupid. Like press my lips to his so I can finally find out if they’re as soft as they appear.

  “We can go to my room. I don’t think we’ll get much done out here.”

  After clearing my throat a few times so it doesn’t crack with nerves, I lean away as far as I can. “He’ll never allow it. Let’s just get you caught up, okay?”

  Cole eyes me, but after a few seconds, nods. He’s not happy about it. Even I know it will be harder to study, but hey, it’s better than me going brain-dead if we’re alone. That won’t benefit anyone.

  Over the next hour and a half, I help him cram for tomorrow’s test and finish up the rest of his homework. We’re interrupted by Wyatt no less than fifty times during that period, but I’m thankful for at least half of them. My heart hasn’t slowed since Cole sat next to me. If not for brief reprieves—one of which forced Cole into the kitchen to get a juice box for Wyatt and allowed me to switch seats—I might have died from a heart attack.

  I stretch my arms over my head and roll out my neck as the opening credits for A Charlie Brown Christmas plays on the screen.

  “I’ll call in the pizza,” Cole announces as he follows my lead and stretches, rolling ou
t his neck. “Still extra onions and peppers?”

  “I don’t like onions,” Wyatt whines from somewhere behind the coffee table where he’s set up a makeshift bed with most of the couch cushions.

  “Whatever he wants,” I say as I gather up all my books. “I should get home, anyway.”

  “Cheese. Cheese. Cheese,” Wyatt chants, oblivious to my movements.

  Cole pauses with his thumb hovering over the screen of his phone. “Already?”

  “Yeah. I gotta do some chores, and I promised Eva I’d look over her extra-credit history report.”

  “Oh.” His face falls, taking my stomach along with it.

  I’m a terrible friend. The worst. This time of the year is the hardest for him. As his best friend, I should be able to put my feelings aside and be here. No matter how painful.

  “It can wait until after pizza,” I say, sitting back down.

  “Piz-za! Piz-za!” Wyatt sings as if it’s some go-fight-win cheer.

  Cole smiles, but it’s missing the usual twinkle in his eyes. “You sure?”

  I pull my hair out of the high pony I had it in so it covers some of the heat rising up my neck. “Yeah, of course. You can help me pick out a present for my mom. I’m debating between a heater blanket because she’s always complaining about being cold. Or…well, the heater blanket is all I got, and it’s bad. So yeah, I need your help.”

  His real smile breaks loose, and he quickly places the order. “Fifteen minutes,” he says and pockets his phone.

  “That should give us enough time to brainstorm.”

  “I can’t hear the movie!” Wyatt yells, which causes me to laugh.

  We’ve been talking the whole time, and he’s made it clear we’re annoying him. I’ve never seen someone so serious about their Christmas movies. Not even my mom, who has them playing all day from the second we finish Thanksgiving dinner.

  Cole nods toward the kitchen right off the living room, giving us the perfect view of his little brother. I want to object and stay in the safe bubble that Wyatt creates, but I get up and follow Cole in.